She has this little thing she does whenever she is being a smart ass.
She puts one hand on her hip, points her finger at you, clicks her tongue twice and then winks.
Like she's got it ALL figured out.
Something Lumbergh from "Office Space" would do, without the TPS report.
She says it annoys her brother, Brice, and that's why she does it.
Big shocker there.
Anyway, just keep that in mind.
So Carly is scared of EVERYTHING lately.
Germs,
Bugs,
Diabetes,
Beer,
You name it.
I forget how scary life can be when you are that little.
We were eating at a restaurant after church today and she wanted a root beer.
They bring out a glass bottle of Barques and Carly looks at me, eyes big and scared. She was trying to get an approving look from my face.
I asked her what was wrong and she replies in a whisper, "Moooommy, it's beer. Beer SCARES me."
I should have known, right.
Well, of course Brice hears her and starts chugging his down saying, "Beer makes you EXPLODE!"
And Devin has a sprite, so he's good.
I reassured Carly that it was only root beer. But she was still scared, shaking her head, no.
I then told her to taste it so she could see, and she says,
"BUT IF I DO, ALL OF MY STUFFED ANIMALS WILL COME ALIVE!"
Uhhhhhh....
Yeah. No clue.
But in her mind, COMPLETELY true.
Although, enough beer, maybe they WOULD appear alive?
Or maybe I had too much beer at some point and started talking to her animals?
Probably a good idea to just leave THAT one alone.
So anyway, while boating yesterday, we saw a gator in the water.
Everyone was excited, running up to the side of the boat to get a better look.
Except for Carly of course, who was looking up at me like I was a complete stranger.
She looked confused.
Then completely fearful.
I gave her a kiss on her head, and told her everything was OK. That she was safe.
She quickly backed away from me. Not wanting me to touch her.
As if she had just figured out something horrible.
The look was priceless.
I asked her what is wrong.
I knew it had to be about her fear of the alligator.
But if it wasn't, then maybe it was that she was afraid to suck her thumb because the worm gave her germs.
Or maybe she thought drinking that third capri-sun was going to give her "diabeebees".
She started pinching at the skin on my arm.
I ignored it at first, but she kept doing it.
And doing it again...
and again..
I pushed her hand away, "Ouch Carly that hurts!"
With tears forming in her eyes, this is what she said...
"Mommy, I'm scared."
"Why? I said, rubbing at my red arm.
She begins to cry.
Then in all seriousness she says,
"Because I think YOU ARE an alligator, IN HUMAN CLOTHES! NOW TAKE YOUR SKIN OFF!"
Nope. Didn't see THAT ONE coming.
I asked her some other things she was scared of just so I could know ahead of time.
This is what she told me...
"King cobras, mummys, dragons, skeletons, horseflies, acid for the pool, "bloody mary in the mirror" because it makes your head fall off (thanks camp kids). And why did Jesus make weed killer? That scares me the most!"
OK, so we are good now.
Got the heads up! no pun intended.
Now typical A.D.D style, completely off subject, I will tell you something else she said today.
It is about poop.
So if you don't like hearing about poop...
Then stop here.
And if you keep reading,
then don't give me any shit.
So we were at the restaurant and she had to go potty.
We headed back there and entered the stall together. She sitting, me standing... waiting patiently.
She goes # 1.
The "tinkle" is finished so I ask her if she is done.
I see her strained face, then I hear two little "plop plops".
She ain't done.
I start to read the writing on the stall door to pass the time.
A few more tiny "plops", and she is STILL sitting there.
At least 5 minutes have passed.
I impatiently look at her, figuring she is doing it to purposely annoy me, so I say,
"OK, Carly, you ARE done. You need to wipe".
She peers up at me still having a strained look and says,
I know, I know, you are at the edge of your seat....
She says,
"GEEZ Mommy! I'm waiting on the KING POOP!"
I look at her, eyebrows raised, trying to contain myself from cracking up laughing.
Then she points her finger, smiles, clicks her tongue twice and winks.
And I lost it.
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