I saw a commercial today with that older lady from Glee. There were a bunch of people standing around wearing white tees. On each tee was one word that described that person. I don't even know what the commercial was about. I just saw the ending where a ladies shirt said, "bipolar". And I laughed.
What would I want my ONE word to be? Although it is fitting, I thought, not THAT word.
"Bipolar".
Yeah.
My doctor told... uhh, I mean, I read about in a book once.
Page 16 I think.
But anyway, NOW would probably be a good time to introduce my different personalities.
Personality # 1:
This would be the semi-normal, God-loving, emotional, empathetic, got her stuff together, gonna save the world,
"shes a goooood giiiirl, loves her Mommaaaa... loves Jeeeesuuuus, and America toooo"
We will call this girl, "Grace".
In the NEXT corner of my brain we have PERSONALITY #2! She loves long walks on the beach...
Really though, this girl is ka-RAY-zee!
She is manic, silly, impulsive. She breaks out in dance and song, ( as you just saw with the Tom Petty Song) and she does it in the most unexpected moments. This is usually when she hears, "your are so weird" from the people around her. She has a potty mouth, some mad karate moves, and some CRAZY ideas.
She is... THIS BLOG.
We will call her "Ray". (look 7 lines above)
Then last and OBVIOUSLY least, we have PERSONALITY #3!
This one has some issues.
The world can bite the big one.
She is going to stay in the four walls of her house, not open a window, then just drink coffee. Maybe with a shot.
ALL. DAY. LONG.
A shower? Forget it!
Sleep? Oh yeah!
Some may call her Depression, BUT we will just call her "Ralph".
Why Ralph?
Because I CAN.
So, what is the point of all this name calling?
Nothing, really.
I just always wanted to name them.
Plus, I wanted to talk about why I end up with so many pets.
So, the moments right before I get a pet, usually start with ole' Ralph.
And just so there is no confusion, Ralph IS a guy.
I was a major tom-boy growing up, so it will just cover that area of my life too. Why not.
He is that place that I go to when I have lost all hope. Or feel so weighed down by the world, by my emotions, other peoples emotions, children issues, school issues, feeling like a failure. Blah blah blah. We've all been there, right?
Ole' Ralph.
You think you can't possibly go on.
Someone else has got to take over your role in the world so everything around you can still function.
'Cause the world ain't stoppin' over yur emotional problem! (Ralph has a country accent, btw)
Or your P.M.S. ( Sorry Ralph, I didn't think this out, did I?)
Whichever the case may be,
It sucks.
It's a deep dark abyss of King poop.
With Ralph, it is a day that you craaaawl through the motions.
The wooden sign on my kitchen wall says it well...
"Some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints."
Usually Ralph hangs around a day or two... Or three... Or 10.
But he is spread out through the entire month, in random surprise ATTACK MODE!
Hate 'em.
The good thing about Ralph though is he gets his ass kicked by my home girl, Ray.
She's a ninja.
A slightly psychotic one.
But no doubt, a ninja.
She comes in and takes over after being down in the dumps so long with Ralph.
Ray is the one that carries through with the actual purchasing of the animals.
She figures doing this, will be a nice change to the mood.
What will it be today?
Two puppies?
Aww, two puppies.
That. Would. Be. AWESOOOME!
Why not one puppy, you ask?
Because Ray SAID SO..
Now what about a cat? EVERYONE needs a CAT!
Right?
YES, RIGHT!
Duh!
And a litter box.
And your couch scratched apart.
Ray says, double that shit!
Two cats!
A snake? Sure!! It's free!
It's crawling in the front yard, so we must save him! (as Grace pokes her head in a little).
What about a rabbit?
Brian can build him a cage.
And the baby bunny and kitten can play together and live happily ever after...and... and...
RAY BRINGS CHAOS.
RAY BRINGS NO COMMON SENSE
RAY DOES NOT SEE CONSEQUENCES.
OH, but Grace does.
And she usually appears a few days after Tornado Ray blows though.
But Ralph peers his ugly head in first.
He laughs a crazy kinda laugh, then goes away.
True Story.
And we ALL lived together under one big happy roof.
And part sky.
5 real people, 3 invisible ones, and 6 pets.
Poor Grace though.
She tries.
She has such perseverance, and hope.
But she is left with a zoo.
And ALL of these things to take care of...
Ear mites and fleas.
Thousands of dollars worth of mange treatment.
Potty training puppies and babies at the same time.
Sometimes the dog would be sitting on the toilet with a paci in its mouth, and a pull-up around it's ankles.
Although now you know why my kids randomly pee in the grass.
Two cats that ended up outside because,
#1... I have an allergy to cats.
Thirdly... one of those cats pee on my laundry piles.
And (D)... The other cat doesn't change the litter when he's done using it.
So they are outside.
There is a coyote in the neighborhood though. And one of the cats is pretty laid back.
You do the math.
The snake... STILL here.
Which now makes me a murderer of innocent little mice.
The cute little bunny, Thumper. He grew up to be a big bunny and outgrew the cage.
He was free to run and play around our big yard for a year.
Happiest bunny you'd ever know.
But, he was counting mufflers the day before Easter.
He didn't get past 1.
Grace gets tired.
Tired of cleaning up after Ray.
She can't take care of anything or anyone else.
She can't believe the mess that Ray leaves behind.
So what happens?
Ralph takes her down once again.
Ole' smelly Ralph.
With his sweat pants and bad hair day hats.
His bowl of ice cream for dinner.
His 10th episode of "intervention" in one day.
Will Ray ever appear again? We need her spunk!
Oh, Ray appears.
She comes back.
In her ninja-like way, of course.
She will snap Ralph out of it!
And she will do it the only way she knows how...
<
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With 20 fish...
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<
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and a crab.
ALL of which, also have names.
.
Anyway, I don't think I would even use one word to describe me.
I think i would use pictures instead.
"GRACE":
"RALPH":
"LESLIE":
.
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