Since ALL of my kids are in school EVERYDAY, I think I may be losing my mind.
OK, more than normal, smart ass.
Yes, I heard your thoughts.
First, look at this picture and tell me if you see a face with a mustache. That way, if you do, I won't appear AS crazy. Hint... it's on the vase.
So I was sitting on the toilet today and saw faces in the patterns of the tile. Again.
I also see faces in the trees... my carpet... the bricks... the marble counter tops.
They haven't started talking to me yet, but if they did, I would probably tell them all my problems and see what kind of insight they had.
Keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
I figure it is either normal, my imagination is WAY out there, or I need to switch up my meds.
I find myself staring at the walls, looking for these faces, wondering if I could make a fortune drawing my own collection of never seen before images.
This only makes me realize that I need to get off my ass and get some stuff done around the house.
I started painting some crosses for a project "MY MOM" is doing, but went into attention deficit mode, as I so often do.
The crosses reminded me of my Sunday school lesson that I need to teach Sunday, so I left my task and went to figure out where I put the lesson book.
It was on the carpet, next to some shredded cheese.
Yeah. No clue.
As I start picking the pieces up one by one, I see one of the faces in the carpet. It had squinty eyes, big nostrils and a down turned mouth.
Ignore the face. Ignore the face.
As I focused back on the cheese, I started craving some. That is normal enough, right? RIGHT?!
I made my way to the fridge where I went to grab a cheese stick.
There was none.
When I looked around inside of the fridge, I saw how horrible it looked in there!
How come one day you just SEE IT.
You ignore it every other day, but one day it is just SO obvious.
Like an episode of "Hoarders."
I saw some moldy green beans, a sip of milk at the bottom of the milk container, which we all know is good for NOTHING. Old leftovers, a drawer full of cardboard and plastic left behind from the yogurt, juice, and cheese stick packages, a crap load of pickles that no one EVER eats, yet never really go bad enough to feel like you have the right to throw them away. White, cracked carrot sticks, and a shriveled grape.
The strangest thing though, is the MAYO JARS.
They always somehow make their way onto the shelves of my refrigerator.
No really. One time, I had like 7 of them in there! It's a freakin' mystery in my house!
We just can't figure it out.
Maybe the faces put them there. YES, the faces did it. There really is NO other explanation.
Anyway, this made me realize..
(1) I need to clean my fridge.
(3) I need to go to the grocery.
(D) I'm a shitty housekeeper.
(and blue) I forgot to feed the dogs.
I head outside to feed Cami and CoCo and decide I will sit down for a minute on the porch, to enjoy the weather. Plus the smell of fresh air usually reminds me of how trapped I feel inside the four walls.
As I put my feet up, I turn my head toward the bricks. I squint my eyes a bit, and see another stupid face.
This one looked like it was screaming.
Then in my sun room, through the window, the man with the mustache, on the tall vase.
The mysterious mustached man had me thinking about some children's character from a book. Or maybe it was Colonel Sanders. Either way, it made me go into my children's rooms to clean a little.
Talk about a freakin' DISASTER!
Carly's room looks like her closet threw up tu-tus and stuffed animals.
Devin's room looks like it threw up dirty clothes and capri sun straws.
And Brice's room, well, it just looks and smells like a large animal threw up in there. Or maybe Lightning McQueen.
I think... Shit, I REALLY don't feel like tackling this today.
So I walk back out into the living room. Looking around.
I start picking up the couch cushions that were thrown on the floor from my kids the night before and the TV starts switching channels by itself.
OMG! The faces! I knew it!
Then I look down and see that I am standing on the remote.
You're lucky, faces! Next time I will catch you!
Wait. What was I doing? Did I ever feed the dogs?... Why is there still cheese on the floor?... Am I looking for my cell phone again?...
OOOR was it that we are OUT of Mayo?
YES! THAT WAS IT!
I need to go to the store to get some mayo!
I MAY be the cause of my own slow deterioration of sanity, BUT when life gives me mayo...
Well... I'll have plenty, that's for sure.
At least enough to make sandwiches for me, and all my invisible face friends.
Now back to the question... Did YOU see the face in the vase?
Mmm hmmm.
Go check your fridge.
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